it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize