I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
