My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
