I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
