so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
