this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
