It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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