just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
