just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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