So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
