hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
