You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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