Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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