Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
