im about as happy as oj after his trial
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
