pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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