what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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