this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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