walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
