i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we should paint friendship bongs
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