ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
