I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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