I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
