I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
