i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
