absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
