Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
