Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
