we'll go far in life on tits alone.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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