I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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