WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
