Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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