why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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