First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
