you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
