Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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