So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
