It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
