I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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