how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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