Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i think im in europe. pls send help
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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