One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
