.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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