The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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