Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
