She's the barista slut.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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