You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize