pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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