I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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