im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think my moral compass just broke
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