My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
