some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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