Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize