Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
