i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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