P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
