i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
