Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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