I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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