Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize