He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
