my vag is so smooth its legendary
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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