we're chasing vodka with high fives
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
