Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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