Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
