Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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