he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
