Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
