I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
