After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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