3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bring me that man meat
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
